Although I'm a blogger/vlogger and I like to document parts of my life, I still tend to hold back on a lot of things.
Looking back on my life's experiences, I came to the conclusion that the minute you become vulnerable and begin to open up, that is when you get burned.
When you confide your deepest feelings, thoughts, and emotions, it's as if you automatically give someone power over that part of your life.
I guess I've just been burned one too many times.
I found myself throughout the years keeping my emotions to myself more and more.
With all that I do share on social media, one might think that they know me,
but do they really?
Regardless of what you do/don't do, people will always have an opinion,
so at the end of the day, isn't better to just stay quiet and keep them guessing?
I'll admit, there are days when I just want to lay it all out there, as if broadcasting my thoughts to a bunch of strangers will somehow make it easier.
Lately I've been thinking and over-analyzing the topic of letting go.
What exactly is there to let go of?
Well, it depends...
Could be a person...a dream...a past experience.
Is it truly possible to ever let go of something/someone?
Or is that just a lie we tell ourselves day in and day out because that's what we want to believe?
Each one of our encounters and experiences are things that have shaped the person that we've become today,
so how exactly do you just let it go and pretend that it never happened?
How do you take a dream, goal, or relationship that you put blood, sweat and tears into
and fully accept that maybe it just was never meant to be?
(for the record I'm not talking about my marriage before anyone assumes)
To be honest, I don't think that it's ever fully possible to let go or forget, because deep down in your heart, it's something that you were once desperately passionate about.
Even if you forget about it for a moment, it still haunts you in your thoughts from time to time.
I feel like that's the worst type of pain.
Wanting to believe in something so bad, even though deep down inside, you start to realize that it may never be.
To this day, I find myself trying to erase certain things from the past, while secretly holding onto them at the same time.
Even in times of complete and total darkness,
there is still a faint flicker of light,
or that small stray of hope which can't be diminished, no matter how hard we may try.
Does it ever get better?
Or is this just all part of the journey towards something greater?